Colorado Musings

            Alone on a September night in Colorado with the Rocky Mountains at my back, I lay here thinking with the heavy putrid smell of the city's sewage plant chasing my nose.  I cannot escape this stench no matter where I turn.  As a beautiful land that is one of the country's last remaining natural wonders, I wonder, “does this land deserve this stench?”  What foul reality can bring together beauty and decay?  I know that if there were any justice left in this world this reality would not exist.  There would be no excrement to foul God's beauty. No unseen acrid smell clinging to the Aspen leaves turning beauty into its modern reality.  How many people does it take for their shit to reach the heavens?  I wonder what God thinks of us now.  How low can humanity go?  Or does God know us only in our primal decadence?  Are we so raw and so uncouth that our current state is merely the expected and our filth just the end result of rampant propagation showing us as the animals that we are?  Who’s to say that we are as smart as we think we are?  If all that we know to be possible is truly possible, isn't it possible that we have been wrong in our petri dish existence? What happens if we've missed the point? 

            Surrounded by people continuously searching for what they don't have, I stop to ponder the questions of existence.  I recognize the unhappiness inherent in man.  I feel it as if it were a heavy fog settling in for a long dark night, knowing that all are lost within.  As a human, I am lost too, but some creation in me sees with the eyes of an outsider, an alien mind watching the downfall of mankind, like a movie plays across the silver screen.  Why?  What purpose does my witness serve?  Am I a witness merely so that in the end, it can be said that we knew, we were told?  That humans were capable of seeing beyond the veil of our minds?  According to his word, Jesus would never punish humans without making it possible for the truth to be known.  Jesus has never left us ignorant.  God, in all forms, and in the very telling of God, has from the beginning given us fair warning.  Truth has always been there though many choose not to believe.  Am I a version of the Lord's last call?  If so, I know these words will fall on deaf ears.  I will be scorned and abused.  I am already broken.  I know the ultimate truth, I am nothing.  My insignificance is larger than the immeasurable heavens above.  Yet I am here.  It is the weakness in me that makes me great.  This is my acknowledgment of my status in creation.  The greatest story ever told exists only because we are all nothing.  God can easily love something unique and precious, delicate and beautiful.  Jesus can justify dying for a Noble cause.  Can't even we humans do this? It is the reality that God cared for a creation foul and dirty that made us something at all.  It is the sacrifice in stark contrast to the worthlessness of humanity that made humanity worthwhile.  You, my friends are unimportant.  You hold nothing of value to the universe.  But God turned an eye beyond all comprehension to you.  God gave you the opportunity to be worthwhile. God made you great by turning an unconceivable eye your way.  But there is no worth in a mechanical creation that is programmed to only respond in one way.  That is like us finding worth as large as love in one of our robotic creations. That is why you have a choice.  I say these things not because I speak for God.  I don't know if my words are truth, but I know they are real.  My words are beyond this world and even I don't understand the reasons I see this reality. And I know I’m not alone in this understanding.  

I do know though that no matter what you think about God, there is a beginning and no matter how you rationalize it, you will always have to admit you will never know the truth.  There is a problem with scale we humans can never overcome.  No matter what level of understanding you reach, you will only find a larger level of questions beyond.  Why waste this magnificence on trivial pursuits such as money and cars and trying to triumph over your fellow man?  How difficult is it really to overcome nothing, and we all are nothing.  If you really want to prove your validity, your existence and place, try taking on something outside of a base level humanity.  Realize that purpose is found in spite of  your lack of purpose and greatness is found in recognizing your weakness.  Deal with these truths and you will achieve something that satisfies your hungry soul.  Therein lays the peace that defies both life and death.  The answers we all seek are not on this world, and we all know it.  Every one of us, all races and nations, all times in our existence, all of humanity forever, have one thing in common, we all ask why.  Maybe the proof of purpose lies not in our personal missions and our atomic understanding of cause and effect but in the simple question without end...why do we ask why? Dwell on that and you will find what you are looking for.  Know that you know nothing and you will begin to know something of everything.